thursday thoughts. ~ and so it goes.

Grieving is a process.  We all know this is true.  It’s painful at times;  pain like someone punched you in the stomach and took your breath away.  I can physically feel the pain when it hits me.  That’s the thing with grief.  I  just don’t know when it’s going to come back and really hit me.

So Dad.  It has been almost 2 years since you went your separate way, and I can report that things in life are moving along pretty well.  I took off  your bracelet like you suggested, and I still feel you with me every day. It’s a good thing.  Decisions are sometimes difficult without you, and I sure miss that pat on the back that you always had for me when I needed it.  I lost a big fan when I lost you, and fans like you are hard to come by.

It’s summertime now, and your beach house is alive with activity, just like you liked it.  Today was special as old friends were there.  We shared stories and filled the air with laughter as we sat on the deck that you built.  Just as you wanted it.  What a great place that beach house you built us is.  A strange thing happened though, as I climbed the stairs to your bedroom to grab a pair of sweats for the evening stroll to the beach.  Grief hit me.  A blow to the throat.  A reminder that there is something bigger and stronger than me that controls my destiny.  It sure hurts, that blow, but I’ll take it when it comes, because if I hadn’t loved you so strongly, it wouldn’t hurt so much.

Missed you today, but I saw you all around me as I sat on your favorite beach, with some of your favorite people.  I captured in photos what I felt was you, and I hope you enjoy them.

~and so it goes.

Until we meet again. My love always,


the view from your chair

the hands you held

L.O.V.E.- you always said, “it’s why we are here.”

a few of your biggest fans!


The ocean is just as beautiful as it was when you sat with us. For that, we are thankful. We miss you Pop.


17 responses

  1. I am sipping my first cup of coffee with tears streaming down my face. I am speechless right now. You continue to capture the essence of what your wonderful father was all about. . . . . . loving, laughing, family, friends. . . . . simple pleasures. Oh, how he loved us all!

  2. Loved this one Cal…yesterday was one of those days your Dad lived for…it was really nice and your pics captured some of the beauty we saw. Nice job sista xox

  3. Carolyn;
    I am in California but joined with you in Massachusetts because our loved ones had mesothelioma. I so enjoyed your writing from Thursday. Grief comes and goes, but the memory of our loved one never fades. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Carolyn,

    I received a nice email from your Mom recently & she mentioned this entry and that Carleen Smedley had commented on it. It truly was touching what you wrote & the photos helped me to “get to know” what your Dad was like. A family man it sounds like to me & one who enjoyed his days surrounded by his family, especially at your Mom & Dad’s spot in Gloucester. I’m glad to hear you are continuing to create new memories there – your Dad would most certainly want you to do that too. Savor the remaining days of summer…

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